Yesterday, I went to my regular Body Combat class at Fitness First Manila, after a lecture that due to problems ended up rescheduled to next week. Turned out this Body Combat class will not be a usual... I know, I've heard stories of people in exercise forums getting into uncontrollable fits of emotional outbursts during strenous exercises, usually crying. Exercise psychologists said it occurs occassionally in some individuals and this is considered normal, as the workout causes a release of hormones that translates into a heightened sense of euphoria, and in some cases, crying. I was surprised to see myself uncontrollably crying during Body Combat! I am sure this is beyond normal. Everybody knows that Body Combat is an aggressive workout. I admit sometimes, for motivation, I would imagine the face of someone I hate in front of me while doing the punches and kicks. But I knew something was terribly wrong, because during that workout, the face in front of me was mine...
And that workout turned into a bout with my negative past... confronting my disappointments , pressure, abuse, betrayal and rejection by those closest to you, being remembered for your failures rather than your contributions, wrong decisions, guilts and regrets... Life can just be so unfair... I was blaming, punching and kicking my imaginary self for being so foolish, gullible and stupid. It was one of the most exhaustive workouts I had... my imaginary self was beaten to a pulp.
Well, I'm sure everybody have their own problems, and I acknowledge that my problems are probably just a trifle compared to others. But for each problem, there is always a solution... the challenge is looking for it. Some problems need confronting but some, you just need to step away and surrender lest it becomes more complicated. Especially, if it's for the benefit of everyone, and that means even sacrificing yourself.
Good thing, I perspire a lot during my workout. Nobody noticed except the instructor. My tears were lost in my sweat...
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