Aristophanes and Eleven Minutes

If you like Paulo Coelho and is quite familiar with most of his works, then it will be very easy for you to say that his novel Eleven Minutes comes as a unique story. First of all, Coelho apologizes in the preface saying that the theme of the book might be too "harsh, difficult and shocking". The book talks about sex, true love and passion but through the eyes of a young prostitute named Maria. We follow her journey in looking for true love even in the context of her unusual profession. The title actually is based on her observation that it only takes on average eleven minutes for the whole sex act to transpire.

There are many interesting moments in the book, but one of these that I loved is when Ralf, one of Maria's lovers, explains why one person always seems to seek the love of another, seeking a sense of fulfillment and oneness:

"According to him [Plato], at the beginning of creation, men and women were not as they are now; there was just one being, who was rather short, with a body and a neck, but his head had two faces, looking in different directions. It was as if two creatures had been glued back to back, with two sets of sex organs, four legs and four arms.

"The Greek gods, however, were jealous, because this creature with four arms work harder; with its two faces, it was always vigilant and could not be taken by surprise; and its four legs meant that it could stand or walk for long periods at a time without tiring. Even more dangerous was the fact that the creature had two different sets of sex organs and so needed no one else in order to continue reproducing.

"Zeus, the supreme lord of Olympus, said: 'I have a plan to make these mortals lose some of their strength.'

"And he cut the creature in two with a lightning bolt, thus creating man and woman. This greatly increased the population of the world, and, at the same time, disoriented and weakened its inhabitants, because now they had to search for their lost half and embrace it and, in that embrace, regain their former strength, their ability to avoid betrayal and the stamina to walk for long periods of time and to withstand hard work. That embrace in which the two bodies re-fuse to become one again is what we call sex."

- Ralf Hart (from Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes)

This is actually derived from Aristophanes' Speech in Plato's Symposium where various philosophers debate about the nature of Love and human interaction. Here is a video featuring the whole speech.

The art I made above features the mythical creature (the proto-man) rendered in a more human (rather than the egg shaped creature in the animation) approach. After I drew this (initially in my Monologue notebook), I realized how it serves as a reversal of an earlier Moleskine spread I made. Thus, I went along with the reversal, using colors similar to the earlier version.

Sharpener

Lead sharpeners, pencil sharpeners… sharpen your pencils all you want, but what you really need is to sharpen your mind.

Arborea

"It seems life is constructed in a way that no one can fulfill it alone. Life contains its own absence, which only an other can fulfill. It seems the world is the summation of others and yet, we neither know nor are told that we will fulfill each other. We lead our scattered lives, perfectly unaware of each other; Or at times, allowed to find the other's presence disagreeable. Why is it, that the world is constructed so loosely?"

Miknok Nikeni Wagum

Merduk naflotani kuti ferpon. Refuman nor me ayutan fri. Froman-ruppendiskulana fi. Kuti ruppen tinduts fi. Adlunini Zeppun ru. Kuti tindantsunati Adlunini ruppen klupendut. Plud dut pukhi La Pang it akhu khoki me. Ku palak holomin Kalam Ngipun Shippunde Kuti Reppundi Zek eras Ku phalandi re Merduk miknok mek kendolomon re. Ayu Zeppundu re ti Dopondol ki fitalon.

Kalipantoran Zerdunyalondi keppu reppunda koloko indak put ain holorondika Taron Ki. Fulando rolondok titilongaring kopol pilikon porokulan merduk parfulandok kili-dontafen fi zuppan rhopa reppun zolonki kepundulant nelun pholondolar kepunduran Ken fi zorbankorngiz miknok Kepu niken Kuti lor rhop refuman fi zun kolon zi Zephi Zoool Zun Zi.

Conquest of the Giants

One down, two to go, and then freedom!

Viridius

My head is in the trees... I feel the breeze as it blows the leaves and sways my branches... I let out a sigh from the depths of my lungs, as it breathes life around me... And the feeling of hope lingers, keeping a promise I intend to keep... Though I move slowly through the stream of time and dispersed through its many tributaries... Surely I will reach my intended destiny...

Where Ideas Come From

One of my latest moleskine entries which is partly related to the previous "Muse" spread:

Sometimes I ponder on the question, "Where do ideas com from?" In a contemporary world we live in, where ideas has become a valuable commodity even before they are materialized, it seems it could spring forth from almost anywhere... people are social and minds process incessantly everything that is fed into it voluntarily or not, and it produces a notion whether we could ever or has ever produced an original idea. Or rather, ideas are never original but a filtered or processed result of an internal mindstorm... even stimulated by external influences... Science proposes that an idea is born with a resulting new connection within the already complicated network of our mind.... a formation of a new connectome slightly different from a thought earlier. Imagine, we incessantly think, thus, we are constantly shifting!

I have to say that while I was working on this, I saw the following TED talks in YouTube, which directly inspired the drawing and the texts. The first one is a very interesting lecture by Steven Johnson about how ideas, rather than born from instant "Eureka" moments are actually brewed inside our heads quite differently.

The second talk is by Sebastian Seung as he discusses his work which involves mapping the connections in our brain, and how our "connectome" as he calls it, could open up a new way of understanding how our brains work.

Now let's all say... "I am more than my genes! I am my connectome!" Interesting!

"What Makes You Happy?"

I was on the MRT the other day heading to one of my gym classes, when out of the usual bustle, there were people in the train carrying sign cards… this small lady seemingly so excited to catch my attention showed me hers… Her card says… “What makes you happy?”… I thought to myself, “Secret, hehe…” and smiled.

A Personal Retrospective of 2009

The Year 2009 has been an action-filled year despite the disasters and other numerous setbacks everyone experienced that year. Personally, the year had definitely been a rewarding one. Not only was I able to further and expand my creative endeavors but I was also able to establish a masterful grasp in my other areas of interest as well. It's scary, but I was able to cross out a lot of items from my "List of Things To Do Before I Die" so does that mean… Uhhm, stop the morbid thoughts, I ended up adding more to the list, making sure it was a loooong list. I wrote this in response to the lyrics of a song from Rent. So how did I measure my year?

The Year in Logos. Here are some of the logos I made this year. Again, a bunch full of variety and styles.

I should mention, that although there were numerous projects this year, there were some projects that simply fizzled out (that is, the projects were already completed as commissioned, but were stolen, ignored or abandoned). It's sad to think that some of these failed projects involved fellow Filipinos whom you would expect to be more supportive but ended up depreciating your efforts. I can't help it, but I enjoy working with people who truly appreciate and give value to artistic creations. I should be more cautious in accepting commissions and adapt more effective strategies in dealing with my clients. I know I haven't been able to update my blogs with my recent logo creations, but hopefully I would find more time this year.

The Year in Illustrations. This year, I was able to join Ang I.N.K. (Ang Ilustrador ng Kabataan) and through it, I was able to affirm myself further as an artist. It's truly gratifying to be able to visit the UP College of Fine Arts for our regular meetings, discuss our projects and learn from other artists: things I could only dream of doing before. As an INKie, I was able to create illustrations for books, newspapers and exhibits! But if there was one achievement I could cite, it would be for my entry illustrations for "Ang Higante Sa Loob Ng Aming Bahay" which garnered Honorable Mention at the 2009 PBBY Alcala Award. The year 2009 affirmed my ability to create art but I learned that I should be more daring and exploratory.

The Year in Books. The year marked the publication of the book "Spinning" and its Filipino counterpart "Paikot-ikot." It's so exciting to be able to promote the book with Irene, and finally being able to see it in the bookstands. Interesting, I used to fall in line to get my books signed by their authors, but this time, I was on the other side of the table signing and giving autographs to both kids and adults. The other book "Chulliyaw" was also published this year, as a project of the Australian Embassy. It wasn't made available to the general public, being a private project with the Kalinga communities, but I hope that this Kalinga storybook series will be made available for public consumption this coming year.

The Year in Moleskine. I actually hoped I could make more entries this year in my Moleskine book, but ended up making only 9 (I made 13 last year). And most of my Moleskine art were actually studies for some illustrations. I promise to create more entries this year, and perhaps create more reminiscent of my 2007 entries.

The Year in BodyPump. This year also marked my official participation in the growing fitness industry. Being able to complete my training in Les Mills' BodyPump through Fitness First, I am now a group fitness instructor. I know it would seem difficult for some of you to imagine me leading a group fitness class (relax guys, this is BodyPump, I'm not required to dance here, hehe), but I've always thought I had a knack for it. Now only do I get free access to the gym, but through this, I am constantly reminded to stay fit and strong. Not only is it a great assured workout, but it is a huge ego-booster as well. It's so rewarding to see the students sweat and grunt, and flash their smile and thanks after an hour's workout. After 3 releases, I've taught more than 120 classes for the year 2009 and hopefully earn my international certification in 2010. Catch my BodyPump classes at FitnessFirst RCBC, every Mondays 6:30 AM and Wednesdays 7:45PM, at FitnessFirst Manila, every Tuesdays 8:15PM and at FitnessFirst MetroEast (with Bea), every Saturdays 4:00 PM.

The Year in Runs. Lots of runs! It's interesting that recently, there's been a surge in the frequency of fun-runs and marathons – almost every weekend! And as much as I can, I made sure I was putting in the miles. As a constant reminder to this newfound love for running, I've collected all my bibs to the window curtain in my room.

More than 120 official cumulative kilometers completed, and many more unofficial ones, but I do hope that this coming year will mark the completion of my first marathon (42km).

The new year will be a promising one for everyone. Expect lots of changes, drastic and high-risk but hopefully successful ones. So bring it on 2010!

I am a mad scientist!

I am a mad scientist! I perform numerous questionable experiments on myself that often ends up with a boom and I do so with utter disregard to ethical standards. You might ask why I see myself so… but aren't we mad scientists all? We do the cruelest things to ourselves, almost ignorant to the risks. Sometimes we know the risks and we jump in anyway even if there is only a slim chance that we'll survive it unscathed. And when it does turn out awry, we just bear through the transformation be it evolution or mutation.

On a side note, I chose a mad rat scientist for the drawing on the account that my folks at home call me "the biggest rat in the house that walks on its hind legs" because of my nighttime habit of scouring the kitchen for leftovers whenever I get the hunger pangs.

Beauty in Asymmetry: What’s in store for the Philippine flag?

What's new with this Philippine flag?

If you have a sharp eye particularly to the details of the Philippine flag, you would notice that in this version, the sun would have nine rays instead of the usual eight. This is more or less what the flag would look like as soon as the Senate and House of Representatives ratifies next week the reconciled version of Senate Bill 3307 and House Bill 6424 which provides for the inclusion of additional ray in the sun. Apparently, the ninth ray was proposed to be added to symbolize the "the courage, bravery and integrity of Muslim Filipinos who fought for the nation's independence" and hopes that this would "foster greater unity among Filipinos regardless of religion." The whole story can be read here: Yahoo! News Philippines: http://ph.news.yahoo.com/gma/20090924/tph-senate-house-panels-ok-bill-adding-9-d6cd5cf.html .

The ninth ray represents the importance to "recognize the efforts and contributions of the Muslim Filipinos in the country's history so that they would not feel marginalized and Filipinos would be united regardless of creed". The Muslim community has greeted this proposal with enthusiasm, signifying that they are gradually "being respected, understood, and accepted". Link: http://www.senate.gov.ph/press_release/2009/0924_gordon1.asp

From a design perspective, I personally think that our flag is one of the most beautifully designed flags in the world, and this news particularly worried me because any tampering with it would ruin this perfection. In the mock-up I created above, somehow, the changes are not that noticeable. In fact, the addition of the 9^th ray causes a subtle asymmetry which somehow adds visual allure, mystery and dynamism to the sun. Of course, one has to consider the historical facts behind the development of our flag's design, and whether the rest of the Filipino community would be open to such changes (Nice read: http://filipinovoices.com/no-to-flag-cha)

What do you think?

When One Is Down…

I have this corner with dolls and puppets staring at me as I work on my table... Here they are reminding me of a prayer:

Prayer When One is Down

I know, Lord, that you believe in me

Dear Lord,
There are decisions
that must be made
and obligations
that must be fulfilled.
There are deadlines to be met
and duties to be performed.
But I know, Lord,
that you will lead me
to the right path.

I do have bad days
and I make stupid mistakes;
I know I sometimes fail
to live up to people's expectations.
But, Lord, despite my shortcomings
I know you have not given up on me.

I am not as beautiful
as I want to be;
I am not as young
as I used to be;
I am not as talented
as I wish to be;
I am not as strong
as I strive to be.

But Lord, you make me feel
I am someone great
because you choose me
to be your servant.

I know I am special
and important in your eyes:
you gave up your life
to save me
and set me free. Amen.

by Msgr. Ruperto C. Santos, STL

ForgetfulRainn and Angel Dogs…

I got interviewed by one of my friends from deviantArt, Nicolas (ForgetfulRainn), one of the most faithful and supportive readers of my Moleskine Art which I regularly post in my Flickr and deviantArt accounts. He classifies my art as representative of Remodernism, "a term promulgated in an attempt to introduce a period of new spirituality into art, culture and society." In fact, I'm currently working with him on concept illustrations for a novel. He gave me questions that are quite interesting, such as when I started drawing, my artistic influences, my relationship with God among others… So head over his blogsite to read it (click on the link below):

My Interview at ForgetfulRainn's Chapters

On other note, I'll just show you a very early preview of one of my upcoming personal projects. I doodled this while waiting at Starbucks, contemplating on what goes on in the minds of lost toy dogs…

Hehe, what is this pug thinking about?

A Creative Retrospective on the Year 2008…

The Year 2008 was quite a special and exciting year for me. Not only did it mark a new venture for me professionally (from assistant professor to clinical director), but it also featured some achievements in my creative department. Most of my time of course was invested in clinical and administrative tasks in Quality Life Discoveries (which more or less had a successful first year since its soft launch), but I make sure that I devote time for my art. Most of my personal free time out of the clinic is spent in the "drawing board". If there was something really fantastic I could really wish for, I'd really wish I had the power to freeze time (or bend space-time continuum ala Hiro Nakamura), or be able to clone myself, and command each of my clones to do whatever I want them to… But we have to face reality: with the limited time that we have, we can only do so much…

Here are only some of the logos I produced last year. Quite a colorful bunch and full of variety, most of which I'm really proud of.

Sadly, I only produced 3 major ambigrams last year. I had to turn down or ignore a lot of commission requests due to lack of time. Although I was able to find solutions for some requests, producing them into final products will simply take too much time and energy. Hopefully, I will go back to these requests and make things work out. I'll make more ambigrams this coming year!

Most of my layout design work was done for Quality Life Discoveries, but I accepted some requests from other companies.

My Moleskine Art was able to gather some followers through my deviantART and Flickr accounts demanding I produce more regular entries. For year 2008, I was only able to post 13 entries (compared to more than 50 in 2007), so that's only almost one entry per month! I'm just past the halfway point, but hopefully I'll finish the whole notebook by the next year filling it up with a variety of conceptual sketches, introspection and dream logs.

I also worked on a 12-page comic entitled "Raisinhead: A Tale of a Modern-Day Tiyanak," a fantasy story about a baby's survival of an attempted abortion and his quest for his mother and purpose in life. It is quite introspective. I think I infused a lot of my own personality and insights on Raisin, the main character of the story. This was the first time I worked on a comic this long and I've worked on comic strips before (the short lived Goodness Bites, which managed to find its way in some Christian web portals) but I never thought it could be this difficult, especially if you want to fit your story within the panels of the 12-page. Sometimes, I feel the story could work as a serial, but it's something to think about. I also found this new found respect for local comic writers and artists, and found myself stuffing my library with works of Arnold Arre (The Mythology Class, Ang Mundo ni Andong Agimat and Martial Law Babies), Gerry Alanguilan (Elmer) and others, which I could proudly say is at par with international standards. Note… I'm just trying my wings in this media and it's quite far-fetched to rightly call myself a comic artist already. Anyway, let's see. The year 2009 will mark the development of comic-related projects.

The artwork for Spinning, an upcoming book dedicated to kids with autism and their families is already completed. Quite excited how it will look in the final lay-out. Hopefully, it will be published within February.

In music, I only found myself composing a very short psalm piece for the Mass celebrating the 1st Anniversary of the Community Health Development Program of the University of the Philippines Manila in San Juan, Batangas. There's already a wonderful "Ito Ang Araw" piece by Arnel Aquino, SJ but it was insisted that a new one be made. I got to sing it too. I'm really proud of the parish choir of San Juan because they were able to learn and sing the piece almost extemporaneously.

Of course, this only recounts achievements in my creative endeavors. The past year featured some of my most joyous moments but also the most heartbreaking – a subtle mix of successes and failures, advances and retreats, satisfaction and regrets. I just hope that the year 2009 be a more productive one both professionally and creatively, without frustrating and burning myself up. I may be scatter-brained and it always seems I need to do everything... should I slow down, when I feel I'm not moving fast enough? I realize I am my own worst slave-driver and critic, but I promise to respect my own limitations, stop beating myself and choose to be happier. I pray that all the projects brewing in my mind find themselves into fruition, and some of them materialize reasonably within the new year. I sincerely wish everyone success in all their own endeavors, and may 2009 be a good year for all! Happy New Year!

A Rose Among Weeds…

I just thought of writing here this wonderful message that was sent to me, in the hope that someone else may be inspired by it…

"I noticed a beautiful flower standing in the midst of all the weeds. It was so colorful, so vivid and amazingly it had blossomed right there in the midst of those drab, dreary weeds. I thought that is exactly what God wants us to do: to bloom wherever we're planted. You may live or work around a bunch of weeds, but don't let that stop you from blooming. Realize that your environment does not prevent you from being happy. If you'll make the decision to stay faithful and be content, at the right time, God will change those circumstances. He'll get you out of those old weeds and put you in a better place. You may never know the answer. But don't use that as an excuse to wallow in self-pity. Leave it alone, get you, and move on with your life. Many of the "why" questions of life will remain a conundrum. But trust in God, and accept the fact that there will be some unanswered questions. Keep in mind, just because you don't know the answer doesn't mean that one does not exist. You simply haven't discovered it yet."

There’s a duwende in my house…

Do you believe in duwendes? Have you ever seen one?

Lately, I had a recent brush with the paranormal when I invited a friend to visit my home and have a look at our cats. I was surprised to know that she had a "third-eye", meaning she has the ability to see the metaphysical which is otherwise mythological for some. Well, I've always had an obsessive fascination with the mythic, the mystic, the legendary and the folkloric, having had my own set of experiences: from personal to gathered anecdotes, from demonic possessions to exorcisms, from sightings to spirit quests; so it wouldn't come as a surprise when people would start claiming they see duwendes in our house.

My folks told me that when I was a kid, I used to play in the yard on my own, run in the open fields. One time when I was stricken with an unexplainable fever, an albularyo was promptly called and I was diagnosed "tawas" style to have been in association with the duwendes in our yard. I've always wondered whether duwendes was used as an etiological explanation by our forebears for children who apparently had autism or "a world of their own." Oftentimes, when my mom would drop objects on the kitchen floor, try to look for it and not find it anywhere, my Lola Isang would exclaim "Hay, tinago na 'yan ng mga duwende… (The duwendes already took and hid it…)!"

Interestingly, quite recently, my friend saw one of the duwendes living in our house and she described it in such detail, I was simply in awe. She mentioned that although she only saw one of the duwendes, there were many of them – a whole community, a kingdom for that matter! They were of the maharlika type, donning gold and white garments, of the medieval fashion. Interesting, I remember the old folks here in Cainta, Rizal mention that in the fields were our house was built (our house was one of the first in Ortigas Avenue Extension, which was an expanse of open fields then 30 years ago), there would be sightings of regiments of duwendes armed with pointy spears and swords even riding on horses which were interestingly in proportion to their minute size. And they were indeed small, only around 4 to 6 inches tall. I've heard that having such duwendes in the house would bring great luck and blessings to those living in the household. She says I have this special affiliation with this duwende who looked really fat ("bursting from his clothes") but regal. He has a name, but I won't tell here. He enjoys the same food as I do, and really enjoys it when I bring home delicious delicacies. Amusingly, she mentioned that when I find myself having a hard time putting down my midnight snacks, it is actually the duwendes tugging at me to eat more so they could have a feast (but I thought to myself, matakaw lang talaga ako, hehe). All this was verified when a respectable priest visited our house to confirm these sightings.

It is interesting to note, that the duwende has its counterparts in other cultures: it has the equivalent in the western gnomes, elves and sprites. I suspect that the anito of our ancient ancestors may have somehow been acknowledged as the duwende when the Spanish arrived on our shores. It still found its way into the popular mindset of Filipinos (Folk Catholicism), even among progressive modern urban dwellers. Though, I find the thought of having duwendes at home to be very intriguing, I can't help but take it with a grain of salt. At the back of my head, something tells me that all this may just be a meticulous product of an overactive imagination, but I still admit that there are some things that just cannot be explained and you simply have to believe with faith. I'm sure every one of us has our own set of stories of unseen housemates and there's this dreaded but at the same time uplifting sense of awe and wonder in it, that just prompts us to believe in their existence. But really, how I wish I could see them again the same way I did when I was a kid. But as my friend says, one can only see them with a pure heart. Oh well… nothing wrong in still hoping.

A Beautiful Day…

I woke up early today a little disoriented. You know that feeling when you don't realize you've fallen asleep while watching a show and you wake up with the television still on. You try to figure out whether the dream you had was really a dream because it was so vivid, so detailed you'd think you just watched a movie! I'm no stranger to dreams with fantastic settings and film-like plots, but this is the first time I had a dream starring Colin Firth and Maria Bello… why them? I don't know with my overactive brain. It's about this girl (Maria Bello) who finds an anonymous diary while cleaning up her basement. Now, as she reads the diary, which is actually a recounting of a man's love to a woman, events in the diary coincide with her memories of her own failed relationship with her ex-boyfriend who left her for another girl. Colin Firth is a shy neighbor who is struggling to lead a new life after his wife's tragic death. Colin and Maria seem to relate because of their own personal baggage but at the same time, it is a huge obstacle to their budding relationship. I won't go further into details, but in the end, Maria discovers that it was actually Colin who wrote the diary… and there's a funny twist when Colin realizes that Maria has been reading the diary all along. Weird no? I don't know how original the story is (it somehow reminds me of the Korean movie "The Classic"), but it's worth documenting into a storyboard. It might be a good story to base a project on… I hope I had more dreams like these…

It was coding day, so I have to drive to work early to beat the 7 o' clock curfew. But waking up early is not such a nuisance if you see this beautiful sky smile:

I had an aquatherapy session where I found myself teaching my client how to say "The Prayer of Jabez"… and somehow I realized, it had been quite a long while since I had been of service to God.

I left work early to attend a "Comic Writing for Artists" lecture at the UP College of Fine Arts (which complemented the "Comic Making for Writers" lecture by Jonas Diego last Tuesday at the UP College of Arts and Letters). I arrived early, but I had a chance to roam around the campus, and even though it was my first time, there was a certain familiarity with the ambience there. I thought, "What if I followed my heart's desire 14 years ago and became an artist?" Thanks to Gerry Alanguilan, Elbert Or, and Jamie Bautista for their wonderful insights regarding comic creation. Gosh! College students were all around at the lecture… I felt like I was sticking out like a sore thumb in the classroom… ako ata pinakamatanda! But I thought, you can never be too old for something you like to do. Got this from Sir Gerry:

on my own Moleskine! I'll build an Elmer themed spread around this dedication. Thanks Sir Gerry!

I had to kill time so I drove to the Bahay ng Alumni to have a snack at Chocolate Kiss. But instead of eating there, I ended up watching the dress rehearsals for "100 Years of World-Class Music" featuring the Philippine Madrigal Singers, UP Concert Chorus, Indayog, and many more. It was a rehearsal, but it was almost like the real thing (plus, I get to see the workings behind such a production… including foul mouthed director and confused stage managers!)… The song and dance numbers were so well-performed heartfelt I found myself moved to tears. Gosh, I miss seeing and hearing things of beauty for a long time… I missed singing in the choir… haaay… ang tanda ko na.

And then I met with a new friend at Starbucks… such a beautiful day! Glad I could smile and be genuinely cheerful again… and now, back to spinnninnnnng…

Tristeza…

Imagine being interviewed by GMA7 Emergency and you can't keep your head focused because you just realized something heartbreaking. Normally, I would be excited to watch my own TV debut but somehow I consciously tried to avoid watching it. And my friends who were able to watch the episode tell me that the network got my name wrong.

Then I review my notes for Watsu for an upcoming convention lecture and I wish to myself: "I wish someone would Watsu me…" suddenly realizing that I've given countless selfless hours of soul-enriching Watsu to others. I am a giver by nature, and somehow I find purpose in sharing and being needed. It's quite puzzling why I feel uncomfortable in receiving… perhaps somehow I feel unworthy.

I drove last Sunday to the PPTA convention for my lecture and I had the Eraserheads on my mp3 player plugged in. And when the song "Overdrive" played, I felt a profound emptiness… suddenly the song has lost its meaning… now that I know how to drive… and I suddenly remember the reason why I decided to learn how to drive. And the song "With A Smile" plays and it too has somehow lost its flavor. Suddenly the engine of the car sounded weird and after pulling over to check, I see that the muffler had collapsed and had been dragging along the road. Good thing I was already near the convention place, and dragged the muffler for at least 4 more kilometers. I then hired some boys to fix it up. Lecture went well but somehow I felt I needed more time (missed some points to discuss) but I ended up with some of the attendees feeling like they were Watsued already themselves. I guess my HeartMath practice worked. So nice to see familiar faces… friends, CAMPers, students (previous, now colleagues!)…

Left as soon as I finished the lecture, drove to Greenbelt to buy some heavy watercolor papers for an upcoming project ("Spinning!") and ink for my Raisinhead comics, and a fine brush that I need for an oil painting ("Puno ng Pangarap") I have yet to finish. I get text messages telling me my logo design for PPTA was chosen and how they liked it, and I'm glad but somehow I wished I spent a lot more time creating it. I don't know, out of the blue, while walking around the Ayala malls, I thought of this: "I'm not perfect. I can do a lot of things pretty well but I can be a bit of a stupid jerk in most other stuff… I'm weird and quite socially inept…" Oh well, I drove home as fast as I could (almost forgetting about the muffler. But the boys seemed to have done a good job… the muffler stayed… I stayed…)

Spinning Preliminary Sketch

Raisinhead - Tale of A Modern Day Tiyanak Panels

Puno ng Pangarap Work In Progress

By the way, thank you Diwi for saying "I love you Teacher Rev!" (I love you too), thank you Jared for treating me as the Mr. Bean of your life, thank you Ben for smiling at me whenever you see me, thank you Leslie for the wonderful time, thank you Irene for the Spinning opportunity (hoping for the best)… Good vibes to all…

De Quervain...

I remember talking with a colleague about the things required in our line of work and we ended up claiming that our hands are our most valuable tool. Come to think of it, almost EVERYTHING I love doing requires the use of hands. So, just imagine the inconvenience of having an impaired hand, rendering it almost useless because of pain! Yes, I've been nursing a severe case of De Quervain's Syndrome for more than 2 months now, and there was a week where the pain was so intense I couldn't do anything at all! It's so ironic that as a physiotherapist and ergonomist by profession that I would have one. It is my job to protect and heal people from such problems, and here I am afflicted with one. Well, a lot contributed to this... work (handling patients in and out of the water with unusual hand positions), trauma (I carry a heavy bag to work) and abusive thumb movements during cellphone, mouse and laptop use. In fact, I drew this page entry with pain in my hand... my left hand modeled as my affected right arm drew). Funny, how we can be our worse patients. But I'm greatly relieved it's healing now.

Brought a lot of reflections... such as the story of Abrecht Durer's "Hands of the Apostle" and how it came to be...

Back in the fifteenth century, in a tiny village near Nuremberg, lived a family with eighteen children. Eighteen!

In order merely to keep food on the table for this big family, the father and head of the household, a goldsmith by profession, worked almost eighteen hours a day at his trade and any other paying chore he could find in the neighbourhood.

Despite their seemingly hopeless condition, two of Albrecht Durer the Elder's children had a dream. They both wanted to pursue their talent for art, but they knew full well that their father would never be financially able to send either of them to Nuremberg to study at the Academy.

After many long discussions at night in their crowded bed, the two boys finally worked out a pact. They would toss a coin. The loser would go down into the nearby mines and, with his earnings, support his brother while he attended the academy. Then, when that brother who won the toss completed his studies, in four years, he would support the other brother at the academy, either with sales of his artwork or, if necessary, also by labouring in the mines.

They tossed a coin on a Sunday morning after church. Albrecht Durer won the toss and went off to Nuremberg.

Albert went down into the dangerous mines and, for the next four years, financed his brother, whose work at the academy was almost an immediate sensation. Albrecht's etchings, his woodcuts, and his oils were far better than those of most of his professors, and by the time he graduated, he was beginning to earn considerable fees for his commissioned works.

When the young artist returned to his village, the Durer family held a festive dinner on their lawn to celebrate Albrecht's triumphant homecoming. After a long and memorable meal, punctuated with music and laughter, Albrecht rose from his honoured position at the head of the table to drink a toast to his beloved brother for the years of sacrifice that had enabled Albrecht to fulfil his ambition. His closing words were, "And now, Albert, blessed brother of mine, now it is your turn. Now you can go to Nuremberg to pursue your dream, and I will take care of you."

All heads turned in eager expectation to the far end of the table where Albert sat, tears streaming down his pale face, shaking his lowered head from side to side while he sobbed and repeated, over and over, "No ...no ...no ...no."

Finally, Albert rose and wiped the tears from his cheeks. He glanced down the long table at the faces he loved, and then, holding his hands close to his right cheek, he said softly, "No, brother. I cannot go to Nuremberg. It is too late for me. Look ... look what four years in the mines have done to my hands! The bones in every finger have been smashed at least once, and lately I have been suffering from arthritis so badly in my right hand that I cannot even hold a glass to return your toast, much less make delicate lines on parchment or canvas with a pen or a brush. No, brother ... for me it is too late."

More than 450 years have passed. By now, Albrecht Durer's hundreds of masterful portraits, pen and silver point sketches, water-colours, charcoals, woodcuts, and copper engravings hang in every great museum in the world, but the odds are great that you, like most people, are familiar with only one of Albrecht Durer's works. More than merely being familiar with it, you very well may have a reproduction hanging in your home or office.

One day, to pay homage to Albert for all that he had sacrificed, Albrecht Durer painstakingly drew his brother's abused hands with palms together and thin fingers stretched skyward. He called his powerful drawing simply "Hands," but the entire world almost immediately opened their hearts to his great masterpiece and renamed his tribute of love "The Praying Hands."

...a story of love and sacrifice... Come to think of it, what if we truly lost the use of our hands?

Gusto kong matutong magdrive…

Something unique happens whenever I hear Eraserhead's Overdrive, especially when the song reaches its punchline chorus. My eyes begin to swell and tears start rolling as I prevent myself from uncontrollably banging my head while screaming "gusto kong matutong magdrive!" Yes, I don't know how to drive a car. Embarrassing I know that at my age, I would often cringe while confessing that I don't know how to operate the machine that congests the streets of Manila everywhere. With my overdeveloped thighs, one could easily see how I managed to rely on my feet as my main means of independent mobility. I only happened to learn how to ride the bike a few years back, but only because I was forced to cut up on my bus expenses while studying abroad. I don't know, perhaps I didn't learn how to drive the car probably because my dad didn't trust me enough (I was known as a "seraniko" as a kid… no toy could survive my dissecting hands… so he could just imagine what I would do to the family car!) or perhaps there was no need to. But really, it has been in my agenda to try out the driver's seat for many years, whatever means necessary. And guess what, the opportunity came.

Having more time and resources in my hands, with sound advices from my brothers and friends, I decided to enroll at A1 Driving School. I attended a 2 hour orientation course, which is a prerequisite before the actual driving. It was an informative orientation, and as they say it is designed to reduce the learning curve once we get our hands on the actual cars that we'll be driving. It was entertaining… too much I think. Thanks to a wacky instructor, who sprinkled his lecture with endless bits of corny ala-Bubble Gang jokes. There were also clueless students:

Instructor: Ma'm, saan nyo po balak magdrive? (Where do you intend to drive?)

Lady 1: Sa kotse?

Instuctor: Uhmmm… ma'm, di ko lang po matandaan pero alam nyo po, may tawag po sa inyo…

There was a point during a discussion which invited violent reactions:

Instructor: Bakit po manual ang inenrollan niyo?

Lady 3: Hmmm, sabi nila, pang-bading daw ang automatic…

What the?!?!!! I was enrolled in an automatic course! Now, I intend to convert some of my driving hour to manual driving.

I could never forget the first moment I stepped on the gas pedal and the car began moving. Woahh! I'm no longer an automobile virgin… and soon I was driving all throughout the streets of Quezon City. My instructor seemed approving of my driving technique because we spent most of the time talking about "boys stuff." There was a time when I was called by my instructor as a "kaskasero" because of my natural driving skills. I guess the Cruz driving gene is being unleashed after years of being dormant. By the way I was driving the latest Toyota Altis:

I felt like Orlando Bloom. Now, wanna see my car? Here's my car:

My dream car that is! Only in my dreams, haha! That's actually my boss' car (a Mazda MX-5 Roadster, just one of his cars) which I always see parked beside our center. Each day I go to work and see it, it seems to constantly tease me… "ain't I pretty? Too bad, you can't drive me…Bleh!" I can't drive you yet! But someday!

The only thing left for me to do is to fulfill the succeeding words to the lyrics… "Kahit na wala akong kotse…" Soon, I'll have my own car out of my own sweat and blood. But I guess by the time I have one, the gas prices might be so unaffordable, I wouldn't be able to drive it at all. Oh well… being a passenger still has its advantages.