Tristeza…

Imagine being interviewed by GMA7 Emergency and you can't keep your head focused because you just realized something heartbreaking. Normally, I would be excited to watch my own TV debut but somehow I consciously tried to avoid watching it. And my friends who were able to watch the episode tell me that the network got my name wrong.

Then I review my notes for Watsu for an upcoming convention lecture and I wish to myself: "I wish someone would Watsu me…" suddenly realizing that I've given countless selfless hours of soul-enriching Watsu to others. I am a giver by nature, and somehow I find purpose in sharing and being needed. It's quite puzzling why I feel uncomfortable in receiving… perhaps somehow I feel unworthy.

I drove last Sunday to the PPTA convention for my lecture and I had the Eraserheads on my mp3 player plugged in. And when the song "Overdrive" played, I felt a profound emptiness… suddenly the song has lost its meaning… now that I know how to drive… and I suddenly remember the reason why I decided to learn how to drive. And the song "With A Smile" plays and it too has somehow lost its flavor. Suddenly the engine of the car sounded weird and after pulling over to check, I see that the muffler had collapsed and had been dragging along the road. Good thing I was already near the convention place, and dragged the muffler for at least 4 more kilometers. I then hired some boys to fix it up. Lecture went well but somehow I felt I needed more time (missed some points to discuss) but I ended up with some of the attendees feeling like they were Watsued already themselves. I guess my HeartMath practice worked. So nice to see familiar faces… friends, CAMPers, students (previous, now colleagues!)…

Left as soon as I finished the lecture, drove to Greenbelt to buy some heavy watercolor papers for an upcoming project ("Spinning!") and ink for my Raisinhead comics, and a fine brush that I need for an oil painting ("Puno ng Pangarap") I have yet to finish. I get text messages telling me my logo design for PPTA was chosen and how they liked it, and I'm glad but somehow I wished I spent a lot more time creating it. I don't know, out of the blue, while walking around the Ayala malls, I thought of this: "I'm not perfect. I can do a lot of things pretty well but I can be a bit of a stupid jerk in most other stuff… I'm weird and quite socially inept…" Oh well, I drove home as fast as I could (almost forgetting about the muffler. But the boys seemed to have done a good job… the muffler stayed… I stayed…)

Spinning Preliminary Sketch

Raisinhead - Tale of A Modern Day Tiyanak Panels

Puno ng Pangarap Work In Progress

By the way, thank you Diwi for saying "I love you Teacher Rev!" (I love you too), thank you Jared for treating me as the Mr. Bean of your life, thank you Ben for smiling at me whenever you see me, thank you Leslie for the wonderful time, thank you Irene for the Spinning opportunity (hoping for the best)… Good vibes to all…