“Wear Proper Clothes To Respect The Sanctity of The House Of God”

Well, we really should. I remember when my brothers and I were kids, our parents would force us to wear polo shirts and pants (with the shirt tucked so deep, or rather the pants worn so high it made us look like we had unusually small torsos! Baduy!). There was a time when churchgoers were donned in their most formal attire. We were taught to dress that way. There was logic in this after all. Going to mass was a time when we would be communing with God and of course, each of us would want to look our best! There was a time when the sentiments and devotion of people flowed naturally outwards and expressed through their appearance and deeds, and not the other way around.

Eight years ago I had my own website which I called Goodness Bites which featured my artwork, literature and lecture materials. But the highlight of my old website was a comic strip series through which I expressed my funny experiences and thoughts on churchgoing. Some Catholic websites even featured these comic strips regularly. This is one of my most "syndicated" comic panel:

I wasn't able to maintain my website after Angelfire changed their policies about ad placements (My website was a mess with the ads). This was during the pre-CSS era. I didn't have the patience and ability to fix it up, so the website eventually died. And then just recently, I saw this commercial airing in TV:

You could imagine my surprise and delight upon watching this. I am not exactly sure if my comic strip inspired the director behind the commercial, but you couldn't deny that the "Christ, what a body!" concept is basically the same, not to mention the similarity between the elements of the video and the comic strip. My brother told me to invoke my intellectual property rights and demand compensation. I don't know. I couldn't. There was something not right if I did that. But it would be something if the person behind this commercial really did get inspiration from my comic strip which perhaps he saw 8 years ago. And then he got this opportunity to take this idea to video format so it could reach a broader audience. That really would be something.

Having this chance to see this, it makes me rethink about how I myself prepare for the mass. It's so sad that nowadays, I could go to mass wearing slippers and shorts without much thinking and so much for my own convenience. I know people say what's important is how sincere your thoughts and prayers are. But then perhaps when I have the ilk to say this, I'm just creating an alibi to justify my apparent lack of concern. We are after all physical beings with the need to "experience" things. God's glory is so great we don't even have the words to describe (or even the capacity to imagine). But He reveals Himself to us in ways that we can "experience" him: through the world we presently live in. It is I think right to express our love for Him in the only way we presently can: through the world we currently live in. The manner in which we lead all aspects of our lives, whether how small or large, is a natural reflection or outcome of our sincere beliefs and virtues. The world view has truly become so skewed that we now have the need to be constantly reminded in the face of our demand in expressing our human choices. Time to rethink.

Legilimens (A peek inside my Moleskine notebook and other sketches…)

There's something about being stuck in your home, or being stranded outside as the rains continue to pour on. Outside, perhaps it's the adventurous feeling, the fear that you might not be able to go home knowing the But when you're at home, perhaps it's the comfort and privacy, that for at least moment, you can just rest, forget about work (for a moment) and be yourself. It's a time to be creative without guilt and worry.

It's been months since I started filling up my Moleskine with my sketches and notes. In a way, it has become a reflection notebook, and as we in CBR would call it, my "nilay" notebook. I would like to personally call it my low-tech blogging device, since I much prefer writing in it than typing my blogs. Some of my Moleskine entries manage to find themselves featured in some of my blogs here. However due to time constraints, most of them might never make it in their digital counterpart. Let me take this opportunity to provide you a peek at my recent sketches/notes:

Scatterbrain... in a way, that's what I am right now. With a lot of things in my mind, a lot of things I have to finish and accomplish and lot I would wish doing, I end up doing everything at the same time, to the expense of quality... focus or missed opportunities. (July 28, 2007)

Watsu… Poetry in Water. Everyone should experience watsu at least once in their lifetime... with complete trust to the giver one can achieve deep relaxation and mobility not achievable in ordinary land exercises and massage. Some have even described the experience as very emotional and nostalgic. By the way, this entry features the imperfection of my Moleskine which you can see on the right side... an extra flap of paper folded in... the page which I drew this is crumpled, but I was able to get the most of it! (July 31, 2007)

Which is more dominant: the right or left brain? Apparently, each side of the brain possesses certain characteristics (by virtue of apparent mapping of the various functions of the brain) which manifest themselves through patterns, behavior and cognitive processes. Though both sides of the brain naturally work together, it can be said that one hemisphere is dominant. After taking the inventory, I realized (not surprisingly) that I am more of a right brain person. Which are you? (August 8, 2007)

Dreaming of Heaven or "Mabait lang kung tulog..."(August 9, 2007)

Just finished this… A few of my favorite things... the sound of snow falling, and the feel and sound of your feet sinking on stiff snow ; when the rising moon sees the setting sun (reminiscing the song "Sun and Moon"; from Miss Saigon); the blue moon looking unusually large in the silent night sky; a vanilla sky, with palettes of cream, cinnamon and cyan; a moment with a book while enjoying the soothing aroma and sweet sips of chai tea latte; the arresting view of a night horizon filled with the ghostly ribbons of aurora; the scents of women's perfumes... oh, the list continues... (August 14, 2007)

I was demonstrating to my friend Mitch (who is very good in creating cartoon characters!) how I make my drawings and on one occasion I showed him how to use the brush pen. Unfortunately, I made this quick drawing on used bond paper (at the back side is a page from a discarded thesis draft)… The drawing features Maria Makiling inspired from Irene Sarmiento's short story entitled "Malakas and Maria" which by the way is already published in the Philippine Free Press. Oh how I wished I drew this on high-grade Bristol board. I'll be coming up with drawings based on her other short stories. One of these days, I'll release a graphic novel.

Some people say, you can tell a lot about the person based on his drawings. I believe this. A person may always be able to hide behind the words he spoke or written, but one is always at the risk of revealing himself through his drawings (especially if you know where to look at)…

All my other Moleskine entries can be viewed at Flickr Album: My Moleskine.

Flatland… (Geometry of Faith)

I wrote and drew this entry in my old-tech blog, my Moleskine notebook, where I relate about how greatly the works of C.S. Lewis, particularly his essay on Transposition had influenced the way I look at my own faith. Moved with the imageries he used in that essay, I often borrowed his ideas when discussing about my faith. I often find myself extending the use of these imageries to the domain of geometry, something that almost everyone understands better than abstract concepts. With the aid of a visual demonstration, a more creative way of teaching… here is my attempt in capturing that idea, which I call "The Geometry of Faith"…

I always upload my notebook entries to my DeviantArt and Flickr accounts (I have yet to compile more spreads before I create an album in Multiply). One of my contacts in DeviantArt, scalpod, after reading my piece referred me to an 1884 novella by an English clergyman named Edwin Abbot Abbot. I have no idea of his work yet but the title of the book was enough to push me to read it… Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions…

The story is narrated by A. Square (literally a square), who guides us through life in the two dimensional world which is called Flatland. It is quite amusing how Abbot manages to describe the society and culture in this world, ranging from a caste system dictated by the number of sides one has (Circles are the most respected and women are mere lines) to the daily nuances of two dimensional life. He is then visited by a 3-dimensional sphere, but he seems unable to comprehend the third dimension until he was brought into it. Imagine how this realization opened his mind to new realities, but how futile his attempt was to share this experience to his fellow Flatlanders.

Here is an excerpt from the Preface of the book:

"I admit," said he -- when I mentioned to him this objection -- "I admit the truth of your critic's facts, but I deny his conclusions. It is true that we have really in Flatland a Third unrecognized Dimension called 'height,' just as it also is true that you have really in Spaceland a Fourth unrecognized Dimension, called by no name at present, but which I will call 'extraheight.' But we can no more take cognizance of our 'height' than you can of your 'extraheight.' Even I -- who have been in Spaceland, and have had the privilege of understanding for twenty-four hours the meaning of 'height' -- even I cannot now comprehend it, nor realize it by the sense of sight or by any process of reason; I can but apprehend it by faith."

The book is an impressive piece of work, and though it is a classic piece, it is amazing how its premise still pervades current thinking, from scientific (quantum physics) to religious (faith) and even revived as an educational tool (mathematics and geometry), entertainment media (there are currently 2 new animated movie adaptations), and a library of literary and visual pieces.

From Flatland: The Movie:

From Flatland: The Film

Carl Sagan on the 4th Dimension

Dr. Quantum on Flatland

I was about to create my own "romance" about the circle and the sphere, perhaps I will develop it into a graphic novel of sorts in the future. But this "geometry of faith" has truly added a new dimension to the phrases "Christ Passing By" and "God Among Us" and has even brought me closer to understanding, at least in its basic form, certain mysteries, for example, the Holy Trinity. But most of all, I think, these books by C.S. Lewis and Abbot, though in the form of fiction, serves to create in us a kind of humility… an acceptance that there is something greater than us… to us… to our lives… and indeed we need a leap of faith to believe in this greater…or rather infinite dimensionality and the hope that we can be part of it.

Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimension may be downloaded online through the following links:

• Flatland, available at Project Gutenberg.
  
• Flatland (with ASCII illustrations), available at Project Gutenberg.
  
• Flatland with illustrations (html format, one chapter per page)
  
• Flatland 5th edition 62 pages, no illustrations, pdf format
  

On Stewardship: Reflections from the CBR Volunteer Workers Basic Training Program

I wasn't able to really relish the latter months of summer vacation as I was deeply involved in setting-up the Community-Based Rehabilitation (CBR) Program in San Mateo, Rizal. After a year of scheduled meetings with the key stakeholders in the municipality, implementation of research and extension teaching services (embedded within the curriculum of OPST 131: Introduction to Community Health), the time is finally getting ripe to start anew. Of course, there are many obstacles yet to conquer, one of which is the result of the recent elections where the mayor I was planning with did not win. It has to be ensured that what was set be properly endorsed to the incoming municipal administration, otherwise plans will be set back. The CBR Program in Montalban is assured of its place and support by their municipal government, but consultancy programs must be properly set to ensure a smooth exit.

The CBR Volunteer Workers Basic Training Program was successfully implemented at the Nuestra Señora de Aranzazu Parochial School from May 28 to June 1, 2007, attended by participants from both San Mateo and Montalban. Unlike previous runs of the Training Program which usually lasts a month, this only ran for a week, focusing primarily on the attitude and basic CBR knowledge of the CBR Volunteer Worker. The original training program included more technical topics ranging from basic anatomy, neuroanatomy and human development to PT, OT and SP assessment and treatment. This focused on the CBR program, the roles of the CBR Volunteer Worker (focusing more on the transdisciplinary approach) and it being a vocation. The training program turned out to be a seminar and retreat rolled into one, focusing on empowering the participants and forging their commitment and willingness to serve persons with disabilities (PWD's) within their community. With this as focus of the seminar, the participants will be ready to take in the more difficult technical aspects of the training (which will be provided year-round by the incoming interns and clinical supervisors as part of the CBR training program). We realized that it is better to create empowered willing volunteers than half-hearted trained intelligent workers. An empowered willing volunteer is more than ready to learn (in fact, seeks to learn!), and is much easier to teach than a worker with vested interests. It is sad to note that the "volunteer" ceases to exist once his/her services are equated with monetary compensation. Most of the problems related to the CBR Workers in Montalban (note, the word "volunteer" was dropped mysteriously) I suspect started when they were given monetary allowance by the municipal government as appreciation of their services. In time, and I guess it is sadly inevitable, they unconsciously equated it with "salary"… payment for their services. It was the design of the training program to instill a true sense of volunteerism – a vocation, essentially… among the new CBR Volunteer Workers.

The training program culminated in a mass celebrated by Monsignor Mediarito, the parish priest of Nuestra Señora de Aranzazu shrine, who fully supports the program and recognizes it as a ministry activity of its parish. Providently, the gospel on that Friday Mass features the barren fig tree curse by Jesus. Monsignor Mediarito provided a very relevant homily which inspired not only the graduate participants but also the rest of the church attendants. Here are the thoughts on the gospel, heavily inspired by the homily:

All the famous philosophers are unanimous in saying that MAN does not live for his own alone. It has been often said "No man is an island…", "Man is a social being"… has been sung in numerous songs… "Walang sinuman ang nabubuhay para sa sarili lamang…" which further solidifies the Christian concept of STEWARDSHIP. One thing can be sure, MAN was not created by GOD to serve man's own means, but he was created to be a STEWARD of the earth, its creatures and everything on it. He was created for others… his gifts and talent was not given for his own glory but for other. In our quest in discovering God's will, one thing surely to guide us is the knowledge that this will is not directed towards ourselves… NEVER to ourselves… it is ALWAYS directed towards OTHERS… for the service of others. We are expected to use our gifts and talents to the fullest, not for our own, but for the betterment of our fellowmen. Each of us, is called to a special vocation… whether it is for bringing joy to the sorrowful, hope to those down with despair, healing to the sick, guidance to those who are lost, and empowerment to those who are weak and disabled… the list goes on. We just pray that when the time comes when the Lord asks from us what He has given and how we have used it; when He asks for our FRUIT, just as when He asked the fig tree… that we will be ready to offer him our fruits.

Being a CBR Volunteer Worker is a vocation to serve. It is directed towards empowering those whom we call persons with disabilities (PWD's). And knowledge alone is not sufficient to help them, but primarily a desire… a genuine to help others. As rehabilitation professionals, we are expected to have a genuine desire to help others, more than a need to fill our pockets. It is amazing to note that 2 of my closest friends who are CBR Workers (Mommy Es and Tatay Ben) have passed away speaking their final words to me, "Sir Rev, kung bigyan lang ako ng pagkakataon na mabuhay pa, gugustuhin ko pa maging CBR Worker…" Amazing. Inspiring. It makes me reflect, that amidst our quest to enrich our knowledge and skills with cutting-edge advancements in our fields, whether we are also seeking to strengthen our resolve… the spirit that drives us to serve other people.

The above is my journal entry featuring my noted thoughts on stewardship. Pictures from the CBR Volunteer Workers Basic Training program can be seen at my Flickr account.

Mukhang Pera

I love doing trick photography. And the above pictures are just a few of the countless things you could do with a P500 bill. It's quite simple really. All you need are the following: a camera, money (of course, folded to your desired half) and a willing subject, all appropriately aligned and positioned for the perfect capture. It will be much easier if you do it with a webcam, with the bill fixed at an appropriate distance from the lens so you could simply align your head for a perfect fit with the money's face. Below are the webcam images I took in gif animation (I didn't realize I look a lot like Gary Lising if I had Ninoy's eyes and forehead). It adds a whole new meaning to the term "mukhang pera".

Kidding aside, it made me think about certain things. “Mukhang pera” actually does not have any direct translation to English (I find “money faced” too weak a translation). Greed for money? It just goes to show how creative Filipinos can be with their way of words especially for something as undesirable as being materialistic. In today’s world feeding on consumerism and materialistic values, can we really say it is so undesirable to be materialistic when it seems to be the norm?

Materialism is defined by Richins as "the importance ascribed to ownership and acquisition of material goods in achieving major life goals or desired states". According to Oxford English Reference Dictionary, it is "devotion to material needs and desires, to the neglect of spiritual matters; a way of life, opinion or tendency based entirely upon material interests." In other literature, it is described as "the value of things rather than people". Being materialistic has its negative connotations, thanks to religious beliefs (it is said that love of things hinders spiritual growth), history and culture and societal values. As beings designed to manipulate objects for desired purposes, owned things tend to become expressions of one's identity, so some say there is a basis for man being inherently materialistic.

Psychologists claim that there should be a healthy dose of materialism. Research has shown that people who emphasize the role of possessions (high materialists) are not as happy as others. There seems to be a distinct difference in terms of attitude/behavior towards buying new things between high and low materialists. High materialists think that they will be happy in buying new things (thinking these will make their lives much easier) while low materialists don't think so, saying from experience that these things won't change their lives that much. It is surprising to find that high materialists often feel angry or frustrated even if they have already bought, perhaps due to higher expectations.

I admit to be an admirer of quality products (and it is so obvious, I always blog about my new toys), and as much as I can and have the resources to do so, I will own quality products (which are usually more expensive) rather than the cheaper alternatives. This prodded me to think whether I am materialistic for being so. I took an online quiz at ExpertRating, and these were the results:

Your Materialism Test Score : 53

The above bar graph indicates your score on a scale of 0 to 100 where 50 is considered a normal degree of the symptom/trait being tested. The higher the score, the higher the prevalence of the symptom/trait.

Description of your test score: The ExpertRating Materialism Test score indicates that you are a moderately material person. You are not too obsessed with it but do dream of having quite a few things. Big cars, big houses, big bucks definitely charm their way into your heart and make you get up for work each morning. All said and done, you are still a realist and are not too obsessed with the acquisition of such fancy things. You want, just like everybody else, to be rich but that does not mean that you will give whatever it takes to be so. You have your feet firmly planted to the ground and your head firmly planted on your shoulders. You are actually balanced right between being altruistic and being too materialistic, and that's just the way you like it!!!

So I am a moderately material person, an average guy in terms of material values. You can take this test too at: ExpertRating: Materialism Test. I don't know about the reliability and validity of this test but there is the standard measure for materialism known as the Material Values Scale developed by Richins (I wrote the items included in this scale in my Moleskine entry below).

These questions are quite interesting to answer too:

What is your most cherished object and why? To make this question more dramatic, let's rephrase it. If your house were fast burning and you can only save one object, what would that object be? Answer this first, before proceeding.

I would probably save my box containing all of the letters, mementos, paintings, pictures a treasure chest of all my personal memories. This box basically represents my life and my relationships. Otherwise, I'll save my laptop, being my new personal box, now that almost all of these are digitized. In a study that used this question, the researchers found that adult members of happy families tend to choose objects that reminded them of other people and the good times they'd had together. These objects are things you would find in average homes and look anonymous, but the intensity of relationships and sentiments are embedded in these. By contrast, members of unhappy families tend to look at their possessions as having meaning to themselves alone.

The $20,000 Question: How would you spend $20,000? (Distribute on the following: Savings/investment, Pay off debts, Buy things you want/need, Travel, Give/lend relatives/friends, Church/charity and Others). Answer first before proceeding.

I would spend it this way: Savings/investment: $6000, Pay off debts: $4000, Buy things you want/need: $5000, Travel: $1000, Give/lend relatives/friends: $2000, Church/charity: $1000, Others: $1000.

Here are the average figures provided by the participants in Richins' study:

	Rev	High materialists	Low materialists
Savings or investments	$6,000	$7,413	$7,471
Pay off debts	$4,000	$5,281	$3,271
Buy things I want or need	$5,000	$3,445	$1,106
Travel	$1000	$2,090	$3,015
Give/lend relatives/friends	$2000	$1,089	$2,631
Give to church/charity	$1000	$733	$1,782
Others	$1000	$1,220	$1,355

Most of the answers I provided would fall between the values given by high materialists and low materialists. But what's so alarming is the amount I gave for buying things I want or need. I am indeed a big spender! How would you rate?

It's nice to know how you stand in a materialistic world, whether you have already been devoured in its ever hungry belly or still surviving. It's so sad to note that some people can be so greedy, that they will do anything to have money in their hands, and this is true not only for those living below the poverty line (you don't have to own much to be materialistic!), but ashamedly for the already filthy rich too. There's nothing wrong in possessing things or aspiring to be rich, but it has to be placed in a responsible moral perspective. Here's a song originally sung by The Youth, revived by Parokya ni Edgar:

O, ang tao kapag walang pera ay napapraning
Hindi alam ang gagawin
Tatawag sa Diyos
Samba dito, samba doon, oh, Diyos ko
Tulungan Mo po ako
Tulungan Mo po ako

Pero kapag nand’yan na ang maraming pera
Wala na’ng Diyos
Paano, nalunod na
Sa diyos-diyosang pera
Pera na’ng sinasamba
Pera na, pera na, ‘di ba

Oh, bakit ang pera may mukha
Bakit ang mukha walang pera
O, ang pera nga naman
O, ang pera nga naman
O, ang tao nga nama’y mukhang pera
Mukhang pera
Mukhang pera, ha ha
Mukhang pera, hoy wah

Mukhang pera ka ba?

Please do make your own versions of "Mukhang Pera" and send the pictures to revcruz@yahoo.com or post in your replies. It'll be interesting to see your faces in your own money :-).

Walking the Road to Emmaus…

Last week's Sunday Mass (April 29, 2007) was a unique experience. Not only did I run late for the 7PM mass at the Antipolo Cathedral (I had to wait for my sisters Gelyn and Sigrid, who seem to have no idea how long the commute to the cathedral takes), but the mass there took an unusual 2 hours to finish. It was after all a high mass, celebrated by the priests of the diocese. And it turned out to be more than just an ordinary high mass (because as I recall, there was no special feast day that day), but it was made more special because it was the first mass being led by a newly ordained priest. Gelyn and Sigrid were obviously devoid of any trace of energy they had earlier, since they really weren't expecting the mass to take this long, and be attended by so many people. But I found the mass quite meaningful, uncomfortable though it was. After the mass, relatives and friends of the newly ordained priest gave away prayer cards which featured the exact drawing shown above: "The Breaking of the Bread at Emmaus" by the icon painter Nicholas Papas. It immediately reminded me of one of my most loved story: The Road to Emmaus (Luke 24:15-36).

I related in an earlier blog how many Catholics seem to have numerous questions about the celebration of the Mass, often leading them to have misconceptions about this. This lack of understanding, I think drives one to lose impetus in sincerely participating in the Mass. One gets easily distracted and bored (to sleep!)

In fact, the readings and gospel nowadays have been very fascinating. The Acts of the Apostles is one of the main books of source for the readings recently, and for those familiar with the book, it tells the story of the Early Christian Church, how the disciples were spiritually moved to spread Christ's story of redemption beyond the borders of their familiar world amidst persecution and even death. This is an impressive transformation, because within weeks after Christ's death, these were the same people who were hiding, confused, doubting and even oppressing each other. They were like sheep that had lost their shepherd. The two disciples walking in the road to Emmaus was among the sheep, so lost and distraught in faith, they even failed to recognize that the third person who accompanied, spoke and dined with them was already Jesus himself! Jesus had numerous appearances, and this was one of them, but it is quite interesting to note that in most if not all of these appearances, the disciples and their friends always failed to initially recognize him (John 20:11-18, Luke 24:35-48, John 21:1-14, Mark 16:9-15). These disciples were friends of Jesus who accompanied him in most of his ministry life, and yet they failed to recognize him, even at close, during a long 7-mile trip to Emmaus! Quite puzzling isn't it? But to put it quite simply why this could be so, the disciples just weren't expecting him. For them, he was just another man travelling on the same road. Jesus, whom they were expecting to be the Messiah, the hopeful ruler of Israel who would deliver them from Roman rule was dead – a missing body in an empty tomb. This led me to think how I myself could have failed to recognize Jesus in my daily routine. Could I have been too focused on my own expectations and selfish thoughts that I have failed to see that Jesus had already been working in my life all this time? God works in mysterious ways, as the motto goes. Cliché it may seem, but it is perfectly true. We might just be surprised to realize that the person that we have often neglected (an annoying friend, a pesky street child, a parent or distant relative or a wary stranger) was Jesus all along… and the moment we realize it's him, he's gone before our midst (as what happened when the two disciples finally realized it was Jesus dining with them). In the end, we realize it is not important to see him with our own physical eyes, but to seek him with eyes of faith, recognizing him in every person that we will encounter in our lives. As with the gospel today, this reminds me of a verse from a song from Les Miserables that goes "To love another person, is to see the face of God."

In my own quest in finding meaning for my practice of the Catholic faith, I found a refreshing take on the Emmaus story, one that revitalized my outlook on the Mass, particularly the Liturgy of the Word (the part of the Mass, where we listen to the reading/s, the psalms, the gospel and the homily). Scott Hahn wrote in one of the chapters in "Letter and Spirit: From Written Text to Living Word in the Liturgy" that "Nowhere is the relationship between the Bible and liturgy presented so vividly and succinctly as in the Bible itself, specifically in Luke's account of the conversation on the road to Emmaus." He states that although Luke did not present the exact contents of what Jesus told the disciples in the story, he relates how distinctly Jesus used a certain method: "beginning with Moses and all the prophets, he interpreted to them in all the scriptures the things concerning himself." This teaching method adopted in revealing God's divine plan in a manner understandable by humans is theology (or economy) in basic form. Interestingly, Jesus places himself in the picture as the culmination of the prophecies, and the ultimate "types" (typology) of the old scripture characters. The disciples, feeling their "hearts burn" as they are opened to the scriptures, asked Jesus, still a stranger to them, to dine with them. At the table, as Jesus breaks the bread and gives the pieces to them, the disciples finally gained complete understanding (mystagogy). At this point, Jesus vanished out of their sight. But the disciples were not disheartened. In fact, they related what they had experienced with the other apostles.

It is interesting to note that the story identifies so much with the structure of the Mass. The teaching on the road corresponds to the Liturgy of the Word. Notice how most readings which features heavily the Old Testament connects to the gospel which is solely taken from the New Testament. As with the manner Jesus taught the two disciples, the scriptures had to be understood and read canonically, that is in the light of God's plan – how the old scriptures (the Old Testament readings) culminate in Jesus' ministry (the New Testament gospels). The homily aims to bridge an understanding between the read scriptures, how it relates ultimately to our own present lives. What's more interesting to note is that, the purpose of the liturgy is not only to remember what has happened (thus simply relegating it to the distant past), but to actually relive it. As what Jesus did in the breaking of the bread at Emmaus, the Liturgy of the Word culminates in the Liturgy of the Eucharist. It's as if we were at the Last Supper itself and every instance of the breaking and partaking of the bread thereafter!

With this knowledge, I now find it difficult not to focus in each aspect of the Mass. I find beauty at the convincing logic in the celebration of the Mass and thus being convinced intellectually, the spirit easily follows! I no longer judge the Mass by the quantity of emotional boost I get from it but the mere participation in it, "together with the choirs of angels and saints" is enough for me. It's funny, I know I've been taught all these since I was a kid being raised in a Catholic school, but it took me until 30 years old, to finally appreciate what I have been doing for nearly two decades. And I know it doesn't stop there and I won't stop asking, the mystery is just beginning to unravel.

True Colors...

I enjoy facilitating reflection sessions, and my years as a clinical supervisor of CBR led me to develop and use materials that have grown from the mere "think about the reflection question per week" done before. Not only are these more interactive, but as far as I know, made the reflection sessions more interesting than usual. So far, we have the "People Puzzle: Personality Style Survey," which aims to describe each person's personality styles and how knowledge of these could lead to better self-understanding and relationships with others. We also have a personal invention of mine, "Free Association Game" (sorry for the lack of creativity in the name), which provides insight on how well you know yourself and others, and how skilled you are in identifying the "good things" in life. There's also "The Path" by Laurie Beth Jones, which I streamlined for 1-2 sessions, which aims to enable a participant to identify his/her "mission statement" at the end.

A few Sundays ago, I was invited in Antipolo City to give a brief seminar to the Kapitanes and Kapitanas. Each year 2 Kapitanes and 2 Kapitanas are chosen to lead the Holy Week Celebrations in Antipolo, and along with their friends organize activities for the whole city. This time, they organized a retreat for themselves, and together with their priests became part of the resource pool.

It's funny, how I feel unworthy to be actually part of such a "sacred" retreat. Sino ba ako para magsalita, eh pati ako, ang dami dami kong issues! Hindi ako banal! Hehe, "banal" (beyn-l) pa siguro... But I took it as a personal challenge, making sure the participants understand that I am among them and with them in this spiritual journey. After hearing that this activity will be followed with a confession, I wanted it to be somewhat preparatory, to guide myself and themselves through a process of self-assessment and eventually gain the appropriate attitude prior to confession.

As an introduction, I gave the group a preliminary exercise where each of the participants would have to draw their ideal selves. I told them that each one of us, ever since we were little kids, was raised to have a set of aspirations that we would like to achieve. Each of us was endowed with a set of capabilities and abilities and a physical body and prowess which more or less we use in order to achieve these aspirations. Of course, some of us may perceive these endowments to be blessings, even to the point of making them the main highlight or tool of our trades. Some of us may even consider them as boons or obstacles towards the achievement of our ambitions. But more often than not, we also consider them as insufficient and often becomes the cause of our insecurities. They proceeded with the activity and soon afterwards, they were sharing each other's aspirations. It was very clear that many of them wanted to change things in themselves. Often times we try to aspire for something that we are not. There is nothing wrong in having ambitions, but the main root of problem here is when these aspirations become a mask in which we hide ourselves. We become slaves to it, rather than we, the masters of our fate. In turn, our perception of what beauty and other things are. Ultimately, our conception of goodness is corrupted, often defining it according to what we want it to be.

Using this as a springboard to the main point of the seminar, I proceeded by sharing insights from Scott Hahn's "Lord, Have Mercy" where he tries to explain how he as a sinner have been constantly concealing and masking played a major, if not pivotal role in his sinful life… I followed with a personal sharing. At first, we often feel a tinge of success and victory over the sins we have done. How lucky we feel in “getting away” with our wrongdoings. In other words, nakalusot o nakaisa tayo. We may be very glad at first, but looking at what we have done at the end of the day, we feel a deep sadness. We may be glad, but there’s a deep emptiness in our hearts. Instead of trying to take responsibility of what has happened we often portray ourselves as the hero or heroine or the hapless victim in this part of the drama of our lives. I proceeded with quotations from Josef Piper's works:

• “Falsification of memory is among our greatest enemy for it strikes the deepest root of our spiritual and moral lives.”
• “There is no more insidious way for error to establish itself than by this falsification of the memory through slight retouches, displacements, discolorations, omissions, shifts of accent”
• “The peril is the greater for its being so imperceptible… Nor can such falsification be quickly detected by the probing conscience, even when it applies itself to this task. The honesty of memory can be ensured only by rectitude of the whole human being.”

As soon as I emphasized these points, I shared how often we complain that we wouldn't have been so neglectful of our spiritual lives if God has been more present in our lives. In the same way when we say that if our parents have been there all the time during our childhood, perhaps, we wouldn't have been that delinquent. God just is so invisible in our lives and can be understandable in the way he was represented in the Bible, especially as the burning bush, lightning, booming voices in the Old Testament. Perhaps, if He would have shown himself more tangibly, we would have been more convinced, isn't it? But indeed, God is there all the time. Not as a judge or magistrate, ready to punish us whenever he can, but he judges as a father does, with love. Life is a stage, in which we as performers try to act the best way we can be… where the only most important spectator is God himself. As a performer on stage, we do not see the audience and seek assurance regarding our performace, because the spotlight is on us. We just do our best, and hope our most important audience approves of it. I proceeded with a discussion on God is simply waiting for us to confess… not forcing us to do so citing various biblical stories, where God, omniscient of everything that man does, still asks the sinning man, "what have you done?", and man goes on denying, hiding, self-pitying and even blaming God for what he had done. God's love is fatherly, as I mentioned earlier. But it is like a double-edged sword, because fathers will always demand more from their children than a judge will demand from the accused.

As a final activity, I asked each one of them to look one more time at the image they drew earlier, and try to see the person that they have built. I proceeded, "Try to remove all the masks that you have built around your face… the many false facades, the lies, the embellishments, the discolorations, make-up, envies, anger, depressions and pretensions… and underneath these numerous layers, guess who you will see? Not your face but the loving face of Jesus… which is what our true reflection should be." We ended up with a prayer, "Lord Jesus, I want to be like you"

After the activity, I tried to answer their questions and realized how as Catholics, we have so many questions and misunderstandings about our faith. This is but healthy and natural to have questions about one's faith, and I told them to be more active in trying to learn more about the faith, rather than diss it for the lack of understanding of it. That's the joy of its mystery. What cracked me up, was that all along during the activity, the participants thought I was a priest. Oo nga naman, pinakilala ako as Rev Cruz! Akala Reverend Cruz! Even the priest thought I was one! But seriously, when I was in high school, I actually thought of entering the seminary. During college, I also came to a point of reconsidering it, even if I had an unfortunate experience with one. Perhaps it's not yet too late. But, as most of my friends will say, kung maging pari ako, napakabastos ko sigurong pari!.